The Chainsmokers Drop Long-Awaited Debut Album ‘Memories…Do Not Open’ to the Delight of No One

EDM and pop music alike have an extremely high turnover rate, making it very difficult for stars to stick around. Artists tend to produce one or two hits from an album then fade into nothingness. Oddly enough for New York-based The Chainsmokers, they decided to drop their debut LP long after their hit singles had peaked. Andrew Taggart and Alex Pall have been releasing EPs and singles since 2012, making their debut full-length one to look forward to for their eager fans. Unfortunately for them, music fans, for the most part, had already pushed them aside for the April 7 release of “Memories…Do Not Open.” Even more unfortunately for them, this album is not good.

What made these guys popular in the first place is their ability to craft a catchy chill-pop/EDM mashup with the clear majority of the onus put on the shoulders of kick ass female vocalists like Halsey (“Closer”) and Daya (“Don’t Let Me Down”). But with the boys behind the lyrical wheel on much of “Memories,” they come up with tone-deaf gems like “I’m fucked up/I’m faded/I’m so complicated/Those things that I said, they were so overrated.” This album luckily features collaborations with a handful of talented artists. Emily Warren comes in on track four (“Don’t Say”), after three straight tracks of Taggart’s intolerable vocals. This song harkens back to The Chainsmokers’ most popular tunes with Halsey and the like, where a pop-heavy progression can easily be enjoyed. The same goes for “Something Just Like This” featuring Chris Martin of Coldplay.

Taggart’s voice is a challenge to listen to, particularly once you know it’s him. It’s impossible not to compare his “singing” to the likes of Warren or Jhene Aiko (“Wake Up Alone”) who are both phenomenal and happen to be on the same record just a few tracks below. Taggart apparently didn’t consider the fact that his voice would be paired next to world-class vocalists like theirs, or perhaps he’s delusional enough to believe he can hold a note. This notion is made painfully clear when listening to “Break Up Every Night.” There’s not much to say about this track other than it’s bad. The beat is aggressively annoying, the theme is arguably chauvinistic and Taggart’s voice…well, enough said.

This album is, of course, predictable, so it’s no surprise when they try their hand at trap music on “It Won’t Kill Ya” or when the country stars Florida Georgia Line make an inexplicable appearance on the last track of the album “Last Day Alive.” Bon Iver fans will be undoubtedly annoyed with this track, as the first sound they’ll hear is a blatant rip-off of a fundamental Bon Iver voice modification. If you’re a fan of The Chainsmokers, you’ll love tracks like the Aiko lead “Wake Up Alone” or the aforementioned “Don’t Say” and “Something Just Like This,” as well as “My Type,” which features Emily Warren once again. “Memories” boils down to one thing: the tracks featuring established vocalists are solid if you’re into that signature style The Chainsmokers put forth – and the ones with Taggart at the helm are, again, flat, stale and at times irritating.

It’s easy to criticize these guys, after all, they play to the cheapest seats possible. But here’s the caveat: The Chainsmokers’ new album isn’t meant for discerning ears. It’s meant for a wide swath of 20-somethings to shake their ass to in a rundown dorm with a joint in one hand while tossing a ping-pong ball into a Solo cup with the other. It’s highly unlikely that Taggart and Pall were sitting in their studio wondering what music journalists will think of a track about a break-up-prone relationship with a “moody” girl who drives the boy crazy but always with the ability to “fuck him back to life.” Then again, maybe they’re both delusional enough to think the opposite. Always remember, these are the guys that unleashed “#SELFIE” to a general public that asked for nothing of the sort.

The Chainsmokers’Memories…Do Not Open” is available on Apple Music April 7.