Elijah Wood Plays Unlikely Hero in Zombie Comedy ‘Cooties’

Sandra Miska

“Cooties,” a new zombie comedy in the spirit of films such as “Shaun of the Dead” and “Zombieland,” is about to infect theaters.  What sets “Cooties,” a hit at least year’s Sundance, apart from the pack is its unusual setting of an elementary school where contaminated chicken nuggets in the aptly named town of Fort Chicken, Ohio infect almost a whole elementary school.

“Cooties” opens with a graphic montage of how chicken nuggets are made, starting with the chicken slaughterhouse.  In case you haven’t seen one of the numerous articles floating around social media on the topic, the process is gross, to say the least.  Afterward, the protagonist Clint Hadson (Elijah Wood) is introduced living at home with his mother Charman (Kate Flannery).  Having recently relocated from New York, the struggling writer is working on a novel of which his mom is even critical, probably because the plot revolves around a haunted boat.

To make ends meet, Clint has taken a job substitute teaching at his old elementary school, an institution that has gone downhill in recent years. This is painfully made clear upon his arrival when the crossing guard Rick (Jorge Garcia) mistakes him for his weed dealer.  Clint then meets his fellow teachers, played by some of the funniest working actors today, including Jack McBrayer as the closeted Tracy, Nasim Pedrad as rape alarm-wearing Rebekkah, and Leigh Whannell as awkward Doug.  Rainn Wilson, who is usually the awkward guy, is almost unrecognizable as meathead gym teacher Wade.  Wade is dating perky teacher Lucy (Alison Pill), which is unfortunate for Clint, who has had a crush on her for years.

A lot of humor come from Clint’s failed writing career; he makes a point of telling everyone that he is really a writer, not a teacher, including his students, whom he has read the first chapter of his book to and asked for comments.  Complications arise when class bully Patriot (Cooper Roth) pulls the hair of a classmate who responds by trying to eat his face.  Soon almost all the children become infected.  Adults are immune to the infection, and serve only as prey to the blood-hungry little zombies.

It’s now up to Clint, his coworkers and the only two uninfected children (one was holed up in the library studying and the other has already completed puberty) to stay alive.  The moment soon comes when Clint must play hero, and the man whose biggest talent is blogging must work up the courage to save the day.

“Cooties” isn’t as laugh-filled as “Shaun of the Dead.”  It’s full of hilarious dialogue in the first half hour or so, but less so once the zombies materialize.  Elijah Wood is no Simon Pegg, but he certainly has his moments.  One has to wonder why the actor doesn’t do more comedies.  The last time he starred in a comedy was over 20 years ago in the underappreciated “North.”

Overall, this is a fun, silly movie that satirizes how thankless the teaching profession can be in the worse way.  Rest assured, only the most awful kids are shown being slaughtered up close, such as Patriot, a cocky bully who has an ego because he was born on 9/11.

“Cooties” opens Sept. 18 in theaters and on demand.