‘The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’ Buries Its Better Jokes Under a Pile of Bullets

Alci Rengifo

To experience “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” is to undergo a cinematic short circuit of the senses. Even more than its guilty pleasure predecessor, 2017’s “The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” this film feels like it was edited in some kind of blender device. Colorful cinematography splashes around with action sequences edited at the velocity of the bullets, while the characters shout more than merely talk. No wonder even the title will be a chore to pronounce. But we must stay loyal to the purposes and audience of the movie. Some films almost seem like they want to defy logic, and this one does so very cheerfully. There remains a guilty pleasure bug in this franchise, where you’re tempted to give in and shut off your neurons.

Once again, director Patrick Hughes not only tackles big explosions but geopolitics ripped from recent history. The first movie’s arch villain was the dictator of Belarus (played by Gary Oldman). Now there’s an economic crisis in Greece which has provoked sanctions from the EU. Enraged by such developments, a mad Greek tycoon named Aristotle Papadopolous (Antonio Banderas) has decided to avenge his homeland by concocting a scheme involving a diamond drill to destroy Europe’s infrastructure by drilling it into the underwater junction box linked to the continent’s computer systems. Far away from this for now is former bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds), who remains haunted by losing his “AAA” bodyguard license for failing to protect a client years ago. You may recall it turned out that the client had been killed by master hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson), who later depended on Bryce’s protection so he could testify against the Belarusian strongman. Seeking therapy and mental peace, Bryce seeks nirvana by the beach, until Kincaid’s hot-tempered wife Sonia (Salma Hayek) suddenly appears, demanding Bryce help her save Kincaid from the Italian mafia. The three misfits will also get scooped by Interpol’s agent Bobby O’Neill (Frank Grillo), who will enlist them to help stop Papadopolous.

Buried somewhere within all the mayhem of “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” is the kernel of a genuinely funny buddy movie. If it were to slow down and be more along the lines of something like “Lethal Weapon,” it would allow the characters to be the real drive of the story. But as it is, the screenplay by Brandon Murphy keeps everyone like walking, yelling gags. Salma Hayek, who was so underused in the first movie, now becomes a center of attention. She brings some explosive energy to what amounts to a stereotypical “crazy Latin woman” role. She shouts “hijo de puta” and “motherfucker” like personal mantras, but shows real comedic timing when doing sillier moments like whining about her honeymoon getting ruined. Although the power of marquee names in attracting audiences gets abused a little when another plot angle is that Sonia and Kincaid are desperate to have a child. Not to be ageist, but in real life Hayek is 54 and Jackson is 72, and while they both look fantastic, it’s not exactly the peak moment to ponder children when you are international assassins. Yet there is some good anti-ageist humor when Sonia explodes on a gangster for wondering what she’s doing in a nightclub when villains are supposed to always have younger women around. Ryan Reynolds does not disappoint with his penchant for dry humor or delivering wild lines with a straight face. We sense some of his “Deadpool” a little more this time around.

The real star, even more than in the first film, is the kinetic action sequences. Whether it’s Sonia and Murphy blasting through a beach resort or Kincaid shooting his way out of a boat, Hughes expertly films violence the way David Attenborough shoots nature. One of the curious dualities these days in action comedy is how the humor is getting more immature but the violence more extreme. Cinematographer Terry Stacey lenses moments with great style, including Papadopolous’s baroque mansion and wardrobe (“He looks like Liberace banged a set of curtains”). But for the action aficionado this movie is wall-to-wall rehashed shootouts and chases. Many oldies are strewn about, like a hidden knife to the throat or choking someone to death with a large chain, before shooting their torso. Many brains are shot through and splattered. Hayek hasn’t had this much fun with guns since she and Banderas first matched off in “Desperado.” Sometimes the action can be funny, like a gag involving scuba-diving assassins on flying contraptions. But real humor, like Jackson and Hayek bickering and then having wild sex with Bryce stuck in the trunk of the car, is fleeting, if not just pure farce. 97% of the movie is about watching things explode. Grillo’s Interpol agent is barely a presence and we never even learn why Bryce is once again single. His love interest from the first movie, Amelia Roussel, is fully MIA.

Ironically enough, “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” is the one action movie so far this year that seems written by people who actually catch up on current events. Banderas’s villain would have been more effective if this movie was made back in 2010, when the Greek economy was indeed imploding and shaking up Europe. Maybe some viewers will go Google it. Maybe they won’t, since an essential element to enjoying this film is to detach yourself completely from any intellectual work. They will have more fun with a surprise drop-in by Morgan Freeman as a legendary bodyguard from Bryce’s past. It’s also another sly anti-ageist touch, with Freeman boasting his character is 92 but he can still dodge a bullet. This whole movie is a pile of bullets and jokes about losing a testicle under fire, topped off by a commentary on parenthood at the end no one will see coming. The actors manage to bring some sharp skills to the caper, but how much you enjoy it will depend purely on your taste for goofiness and stunts. It has plenty of both, and not much else. But here’s hoping next time they find an easier title. 

“The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard” releases June 16 in theaters nationwide.