‘Heart Eyes’ Pairs Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding for a Ridiculous Valentine’s Day Slasher Romp

Alci Rengifo

Slasher rom-com “Heart Eyes” can be perfectly termed a “seasonal movie.” Its sole purpose for existing is to be a date movie for Valentine’s Day that offers romance with bloodied machetes, corny confessions and other absurdities. For the most part it works. Director Josh Ruben is clearly an expert in the ways of B-movies and midnight guilty pleasures. He’s having fun chopping all the imagery and ideas we associate with this most commercialized, if not trivial, of holidays. Somehow, even the half-baked romance manages to still come across as slightly more sincere than your average rom-com. Nothing beats having to bond while evading a serial killer.

Ally (Olivia Holt) is the creative director of an ad company, finding herself in hot water over a misconceived campaign recreating famous movie deaths. It wasn’t the wisest move considering a serial killer known as Heart Eyes has been striking every Valentine’s Day, randomly choosing couples to murder. To Ally’s annoyance, her boss has decided to bring in a renowned consultant, Jay (Mason Gooding), to help craft a new approach. Ally is already going through the stress of her ex-boyfriend parading his new girlfriend on social media. She doesn’t need romance marketing expert Jay to intrude in her career. When the two try to have a civilized introductory dinner that gets contentious, Ally’s ex and his new blonde appear, prompting Ally to rope Jay into pretending to be her new boyfriend. This turns them into a target of Heart Eyes.

Ruben and writers Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy never bother to try and surprise us with any new twists on old rom-com tropes. It’s clear from the moment Ally meets Jason at a coffee shop, unaware he’s going to make an appearance at work, where this is all going. They are two young professionals with great salaries and good looks. How could this not make sense? The fun is in the absurd cheer in giving it a slasher spin. Heart Eyes himself is a ridiculously imagined villain, walking around like a combination of Jason and Slipknot, with two heart-shaped eye lenses over his mask, carrying a machete. He is one of those killers who can pop out of everywhere, including police headquarters, drive-in theaters and outside of expensive restaurants. The gore is designed for gasps and laughs. A machete chops into someone’s groin while a stoned out lover gets annihilated with a lug wrench.

There is a lot of running in “Heart Eyes,” as expected, with brief pauses so Ally and Jay can get to know each other. Her heart has hardened because of her breakup. Jay has serious issues with putting women on pedestals, meaning he is terribly needy. Both actors have good comedic timing, skillfully pulling off those moments where someone gets handcuffed to an interrogation room table or they run into the orbit of Detective Shaw (Jordana Brewster), who is constantly on dating apps while on the trail of Heart Eyes with fellow Detective Hobbs (Devon Sawa). Their names are a nod to the “Fast & Furious” franchise in which Brewster has appeared. Gigi Zumbado hits a lot of comedy high notes as Ally’s best friend, who prefers to have a sugar daddy. 

What keeps “Heart Eyes” from fully delivering is its disappointing conclusion. There are a million reasons you can imagine for why a psycho would go on a rampage on Valentine’s Day. Somewhere in the premise is a stinging satire about incel culture. Ruben and the writers instead settle for an overcomplicated reveal that makes less sense than, let’s say, a 40-year-old virgin. The fatal flaw of the twist is that it’s just not very funny. When all the exposition is over we welcome the return to ludicrous violence. Up until that moment, “Heart Eyes” entertains those who attend with a date or even without. It doesn’t take the “holiday” seriously and maybe that’s the ultimate lesson. If we’re going to spend so much money on an inconsequential day, might as well do so at a multiplex watching it get sliced and diced, even if you go with the one you love.

“Heart Eyes” releases Feb. 7 in theaters nationwide.